A story of the journey to authenticity. I first met Chris in the summer of 2017 in Berkeley, California. We were both university students in England and Germany at the time, but were experiencing life across the pond during a carefree summer. During those initial weeks and months, there was an undeniable spark of ‘realness’ about him, he had a kind of raw honesty in his eyes and through his interactions with others. Yet, beneath that glimmer of truth, there was also a palpable sense of confusion. He seemed lost in the labyrinth of his own identity, unsure of his place in the world and the direction he wanted to take.
We didn’t know it at the time, but shortly after our initial meeting, Chris would soon embark on a journey of self-discovery, a quest to unravel the enigma of his own identity.
The noise within
In the year or so after our initial interaction, Chris seemed to be caught up in a world of partying, materialistic glorification and the constant desire for approval from others that dictated the way he lived his life. I noticed hints of ego driven behaviour regarding smaller everyday things like which car we would drive to his graduation with the thought that others would judge him kinder with a more expensive model. Over time, I noticed that the prospect of deepening our relationship terrified him, as it meant, in his mind, relinquishing the familiarity of his old life and habits.
Taming the inner storm
A couple of years into our relationship, we both realised that we were at a crossroads. Whilst on my own journey of self discovery and healing, I knew that true growth and connection required us to shed our egos and embrace vulnerability as the path to a truly free life. Around this time, Chris’ anxiety had developed into a deep fear of health issues. Whilst his brain was in overdrive from thinking of worst case scenarios, he was distancing himself from our relationship.
Every time we would sit down to talk through issues, it was like talking to a brick wall. Rather than finding solutions to our problems, we would get further tangled in a web of constant anxiety, fear of commitment and be caught in distractions. Chris would find excuses as to why we couldn’t spend time together believing that our relationship was holding him back. Rather, he would indulge in nights out fuelled with alcohol, unhealthy habits and toxic friends. Don’t get me wrong, everything should be in moderation, so enjoying food and drink and going out is completely reasonable, but the extent to which he was tempted was crossing multiple boundaries.
Unlocking your inner strength
We reached a breaking point in the beginning of 2020. Chris’ extreme health anxiety coupled with a distraction filled lifestyle meant that our relationship was not a priority. I, too, was stuck in old habits of comparing my life with others and had a pretty low self esteem which was also exerting pressure on us as a couple. During that time, the two of us worked individually and together to understand what we truly wanted. Whilst encouraging one another, Chris sought expert help and guidance through therapists who introduced him to Cognitive Behavioral Therapy as well as meditation practices. I realised that I too needed to take a step back and get back to myself after years of trying to please others. This marked the beginning of my own journey to authenticity.
For Chris, it was the beginning of a lifelong commitment to working on authenticity, encumbered by ego driven behavior and thoughts. For myself, embarking on a journey of meditation was like returning home to myself. As the two of us dove deeper into the practice, the neverending chatter of external thoughts began to fade, replaced by a profound sense of clarity. Liberated by the distractions of the modern world, we began to reconnect with our inner essence, rediscovering the authentic self which made it clear to us that our relationship was worth everything. That growing as people and committing as a couple was one of the most beautiful and important things that we could do as humans.
The path forward
It would be untrue to say that working on your inner self and/or relationship is a quick process. Rather, it takes time and effort on both parties to recognise the ego and how it blocks the right energy reaching your connection. However, it’s one of the most important endeavors that you will embark on and worth every ounce of energy. I find that in this modern world, it’s easy to get caught up in materialistic desires, external validation and unhealthy habits. It takes courage and persistence to work on who you are and discover your own authenticity.
The journey isn’t always linear and there will be ups and downs and that’s okay. Starting as small as a 15 minute daily meditation can help bring clarity in a mind filled with clouds. Moving forward is about choosing to embrace the present and create a future aligned with your real self which will ultimately help relationships that you have built.
If you want to read more about Chris’ story and his journey of authenticity, you can find the article here.
Read next: Non-Dual Meditation: The Stillness That Unveiled My True Self